“How’s your old man holding up this winter?” “Not very well. He says the cold makes him tired, stiff, sleepy, depressed, and lazy.” “And I know you’re giving him hell about that.” “I wouldn’t do that! Cross my heart. I’m a patient, attentive, sympathetic wife.” “Eulalie! I live in the apartment right above you. I…

“I survived the holidays. Now, I’m trying to think of something fun to do in January.” “You could start working on your taxes.” “I said, FUN, Eleanor. That’s hardly fun.” “I love doing taxes. It’s fun.” “You’re extremely weird. You’re an accountant. I suppose you like cleaning house, too.” “Oh, I do! It’s so rewarding.”…

  You know what makes me envious? Really envious? When my family gets together, and I look at the faces of the teenagers and college girls, I wonder, man, alive, did my skin look like THAT once upon a time? No blemishes, no pimples, no wrinkles, no sags or bags, no discoloration. Their skin positively…

“I wonder if January 2nd is ashamed.” “How can a day or a date be ashamed?” “Think about it. We’ve been through Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and Hannukkah and New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, lots of festivities, and then along comes … January 2nd. There’s nothing special about it.” “Frankly,…

“January 1st, 2026! We made it through another year! Why are you looking over your shoulder?” “I’m checking to make sure 2025 is behind me.”  

“What are your plans for this evening?” “Plans?” “It’s New Year’s Eve. Did you forget?” “Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Hmm … plans. Well, let’s see. I’ll need some booze, won’t I?” “It might come in handy.” “And I’ll watch that ball droppy-thing.” “Can you stay up until midnight?” “We’ll see, we’ll see.” HAPPY…

… … December 30th, and we celebrate The Festival of Enormous Changes at the Last Minute Day.” “What is THAT supposed to mean?” “It means we’re supposed to be optimistic and reminisce on what happened this past year and make changes for the new year. We need to make better choices this year, and make…

… December 28th, and it’s National Call a Friend Day.” “Okay.” “Now, this is what we’re gonna do. Get your phone, go back into your bedroom, I’ll stay here, and I’ll call you.” “How about I stay right where I am, and I’ll pick up my phone, and you hold yours to your ear, and…

“Yes, I’m well aware of that.” “Are you excited?” “I’m not quite sure. It’s a bit different, don’t you think, now that we’re in our seventies.” “Yes. Different, but I like it.” “I suppose I do, too. Wanna make it more exciting? Let’s kiss under the mistletoe!” “I don’t like it THAT much.”

 … December 22nd, and it’s National Short People Day.” (ROLLS EYES) “We need to appreciate those of you who are vertically challenged.” “This vertically challenged person would appreciate it if you would get the bowl out of the top cabinet.”